After reading Gina's website she got me all fired up again. she got me thinking about me. What I really want. Why I haven't been trying to obtain the object of my desire (better body and happiness). I've been sitting back on my haunches waiting for it to drop in my lap. What the heck? I know nothing is achieved without hard work. Hard work is how I got to where I am right now albeit I've gained 10 lbs or so since (including the new twins though they don't weigh that much). I feel rejuvenated and have my eye back on the prize. I'm ready to settle in for the long haul. I told myself that I could get my breast augmentation now as incentive to obtain my best body yet. Boobs and all but I had yet to take the next step. Well I was also healing but you all know how patient I am. NOT! I'm ready to get this show on the road. I'm tired of being tired of not looking like I want. I'm tired of my 8's fitting when this time last year they had room and if I pushed just a bit harder I would have been in some 6's. I want to feel my wash board tummy and rock hard glutes again. I want to see definition in my biceps and triceps and delts again. I'm ready to feel the burn.

I've created a new workout for myself with the help of www.bodyforlife.com.

I will continue to try to document my food on ww for a minimum of 5 days a week.

I'm going to stick with it for 6 weeks to see how my body transforms and to see how my weight changes.

My short term goals are:

1. see more definition.

2. loose some weight

3. feel more in control of my body

4. eat for fuel and not for comfort

5. focus on what makes me happy and stop letting little things bring me down

6. workout 6 days a week with 1 rest day. I would prefer the morning but the evening is just as affective if I stick to it and don't wus out and make excuses like I normally do. There are always things to distract me from doing my workout in the evening. But it is important to get enough sleep so I'm not falling asleep at work as well. I'll strive to find a happy balance.

I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I want this. I've always wanted this but it is time to start working for it. I've done it in the past by proving to myself that I can lose 56 lbs (though I've gained a bit of it back) but I'm not going to allow myself to undermine myself by sliding back. I don't want to go back. I want to feel confident in my body and I want it to show in the way that I carry myself. This is all about me. What I want. How can I expect Z to be happy if me if I can't even be happy myself. I've never been so happy in my life so why I am letting the fact that I'm not achieving my goals bring me down and dampen my happiness and possibly affect my relationship with the most wonderful man in the world who thinks I'm hot and loves me unconditionally? I'm done with my pity party. No more crying it's not fair. Z has heard this a lot lately and it's time to stop. It's time for the hard ass to come out and kick some butt again. She has been at rest for too long. It's time to get this show on the road.

Monday:
assisted dips - 4x15 130lbs (slight pain under right breast along my ribs)
alternating seated cable machine rows 4x15 25lbs
Seated cable rows 4x15 40lbs
Wide-grip lat pull-downs to the back of the neck 4x15 30-40lbs
One-arm dumbbell rows 4x15 10lbs
back extensions w/body weight for resistance
45 min on elliptical set to random with level at 15
ab crunches on ball 3x15
oblique crunches on ball 3x15 on each side

(Engaged 9/16/05)