I had a tizzy about feeling deprived and wanting comfort foods because it is hard getting back on track by having to sacrifice and I had a hard day. Z helped me through it but I was worried that maybe I had really lost the edge of losing weight. I've done this before. I know what it takes. Take in fewer calories and move more. Food is fuel. But I also know that food has been a friend who has comforted me in my lowest of times in the past. Then again it has also been my foe when other kids teased me or I couldn't fit into the latest fashions. Food has made me happy and sad. I used to think that food is love, but Z reminded me that we create the love that is in our lives not food. He is the one that makes me happy and comforts me in his arms and strokes my hair and puts me at ease. Not food. I need to try to remember that when I'm on the brink of having a food crisis. I don't need food to fill the void anymore. I'm living life and it is great and I will not allow this little thing to derail me. I won't. I worth more than that and I'm more mature than a little child stomping my foot because I can't eat something I really want but I know will not help my weight loss efforts. I can lose this weight and be happy at the same time. I may be hard but I can do it. Don't sweat the small stuff right? I guess I just needed a pep talk last night to remind me of it. Thanks baby.

It's all about choices isn't it? I will always be addicted to food, but as long as I'm aware of it, I can create a strategy to avoid the pit falls of gaining weight.

Today I reviewed what I was eating at my lowest weight last year on WW, how many points I was taking in as well as how much I was working out. I was eating below 20 points a day (roughly 12-18) and working out 1-2 hours a day. If I did it then I can do it now right? Well last year at this time I was ending my 8 year relationship so there was a lot of stress in my life at that time, my appetite was almost non existent and I exercised a lot to help me deal. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life (excluding TOM, chest soreness, and the occasional temper tantrum from feeling deprived) so things are in fact quite a bit different, but that doesn't mean that I can't do it. I tend to eat more when I'm happy so I'll just have to be aware of not switching into auto pilot or else I'll wake up back were I was before. I don't want that and Z doesn't want that either I'm sure. I've just got to stay positive and on task. I can do this. So far so good this week.

Workout:
1 hr elliptical set to level 14 resistance. Felt good but it was still a bit of struggle. Still trying to get back to my original amount of intensity but I can do it in small spurts.

Food:
20.5 and I've documented every item that passed these lips.

Mood: clear headed. I know what I want and what I need to do it and don't feel deprived (right now).

Physically:
A little sore near the incisions but they are still healing. Legs and back are a little tight from working out which is a good sign. I'll see if I can add more time on the elliptical tonight or more back exercises for a total of 1 hr 30 min. Maybe Z and I can hit the gym a little earlier after work. If we zip home eat a snack (an apple or something) go work out - I hate the crowds but I can deal if I can get home a little earlier to snuggle and eat dinner with my sweetie - stop off at the store on the way home to grab something to eat or eat what we have at home (i.e. smartone for me and whatever my sweetie wants to eat) and then watch a movie or something together to unwind for the evening.

(Engaged 9/16/05)