So joined WW meetings again on Saturday. Feeling good about my decision and that I'll be successful this time. I haven't rejoined the meetings since I lost my first 25 lbs. I then hit a plateau for about 6 months and then decided to do the online meetings. I lost an additional 25 lbs, but then slowly gained 15-20 lbs back. I've lost some on my own, but then had a hard time breaking the 155-154 barrier. My 10% and my goal weight are really close. 15 lbs is my 10% (143.2 lbs) and my WW weight for my age and height is 144 lbs. I would really like to get back down to 145 lbs and would be ecstatic if I reached 143 lbs. My WW goal weight is 144 lbs. I can do that. My lowest was 142 lbs but that was not healthy eating that got me there. It was eating practically nothing, working out 2-4 hours a day, drinking lots, not sleeping etc. I was going through a rough time personally so I started to focus on my weight loss instead. I want to do it the healthy way this time. I did document all of my points and exercise; I just didn't treat my body very well. I want to feel and look good this time. I was to look stunning on my wedding day. I want to shine :). I want to feel proud of myself for reaching my healthy weight. I want to make Z proud to have me as his wife. I want to feel good in my skin. I want to feel as though what I look like represents the type of lifestyle I lead. But this time I want to enjoy it. Not feel like it is a race . That last statement is going to be hard as I will be keeping the date of the wedding (TBD) in the back/forefront of my mind at all times. I want to use that as motivation to not lose hope when things get difficult, because I know they will. I want to remember that when I'm upset that I can't eat something. Rather I should say, that I MAKE the decision not to eat something. No one is MAKING me do this. I am choosing to do this because I want to feel and look better. I'll still be frustrated but I want to try to remember I'M doing this for me and that no one is forcing me.

I've updated my stats. I was 158.2 with clothes, belt, pager, and everything on. Oh and I ate breakfast and had coffee before I went in. We'll see how my first weigh in went. I signed up for eTools as I hate writing things down. I've already complete my first day at 23 points. I earned 5 activity points for exercise yesterday, so I only used one extra point yesterday. I want to ideally stay within 20-22 points. I plan on working out 5-7 days a week. I'm still tweaking my workout as it still seems to take too long to do my lifting and cardio. It's 1:45 right now, but I don't see how I'm supposed to do everything I want in an hour. I'm probably going to have to start getting up at 4:45AM again to do my lifting, go home wake up Z and then head to the gym closer to work and then do my 45 minutes of cardio. Then we don't have to stay at work late in the evening. Z wants to do the 2 day workout thing as well, but he has more freedom to leave work early to complete his. We'll see what ends up working the best for us.

I'm pretty happy about only gaining roughly 4 lbs - that's counting clothes - after vacation and then not working out for 2 weeks as we recovered from exhaustion after vacation and Z still being sick from before we left. We're ready to hit the workouts again hard and I'm tracking my points again. I feel in control. I feel good. I can do this.

On the wedding front, still figuring out how many peeps to invite, where, and everything else. I'm going to start looking at things online first and then start making tentative plans to actually go to the stores. Not ready to deal with boutiques yet. I'm kinda dreading it, but my MOH said we should go out for coffee and then just browse a few to get familiar with what they have, how much, and allow my self to become acclimated to it. I'm down with that :). I just want to enjoy the process and not turn into a stress eating bridzilla from hell.

(Engaged 9/16/05)