Day's Left until I become Mrs. Smith :)

Still no better mood. I had my last cookies and a bit of ice cream.
Tomorrow is a new day. I start documenting my food for 3 days for the dietitian. Then I get to make my appointment.
I will also be starting to do an hour of cardio in the morning and an hour of lifting in the evening. This was Z's suggestion to ensure I get my cardio AND weightlifting in, allow my muscles enough time to recover from cardio and replenish before I lift in the evening and allowing him not to have to get up extra early in the morning to get a 2 hour workout in. I'm very apprehensive about this as we are already very busy, but as he put it, in order to be successful - which I have not bee for about 2 years now - I need to make a change and it isn't going to be easy.
I'm not looking forward to this. Losing weight not being angry, working out at crazy hours of the morning and night and not eating the proper nutrition is all new. I'm having a hard time dealing with this but at the same time am ready for a change. I WANT to be successful again. I want to feel the power. To know what works and what doesn't. To feel my clothes shrinking off of me. To feel worthy of attention and love. On the inside. I want to feel like the old me. Tomorrow is the day I pick up my prescription for Accutane. I'm excited and nervous at the same time.
So many changes keep hitting me. I feel like I never get to get a firm footing before another wave of change hits me. Some change is exciting and new and the other type is scary and makes you question who you are and why you are in this place of change. I don't know how I feel yet other than tired of where things are right now. I'm ready to take the step forward, but scared. I guess that is how I feel for now. God I hope this mood lifts. I feel like I can cry or blow at any moment. So tired and frustrated. Sleep is probably what I need...
I did an hour on the step mill. I was a sweaty soppy mess, but I felt better. It wasn't as hard, but it was still not easy. At least I did it.
Good luck to Trish on her surgery. I hope all went well. I hope the healing goes smoothly. Thinking of her surgery made me think of mine in Oct. 2004. I don't talk about it much, because it is private, though I'm very happy with the results and would do it again. It's not something I share nor have I put up any photos. Maybe one day. I had breast augmentation surgery. I had lost just about all upper breast tissue and felt really insecure about it and felt that with all the hard work that I did to lose weight it was my gift to myself to have it done. I don't they are overly noticeable, but I know that they look so much better and fit my frame. I wish you the best of luck Trish and much happiness with the results.
Well off to pluck a few stray eyebrow hairs and brush my teeth and off to sleep.




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