Day's Left until I become Mrs. Smith :)

Still bummed about my mom, but just trying to see it from her point of view. TRYING is the key word here folks ;). I'm feeling a little more upbeat and Z mentioned that it was showing. I was pretty down in the dumps all day yesterday. When I think about all this I think how difficult it will be to raise my own children. How to know the "right" things to say or the "right" things to do. I just want them to be loved and feel supported. I want them to be carefree for as long as they can. I don't want them to worry like I did early on. I don't want there to be undue financial stress. I just want them to be happy, well developed children. And I want them to "like" me as well as love me because I'm there mom. I want them to come around because they enjoy being with me. Is this too much to ask? Heh this is from a person who has no children yet, but everyday I spend with Z I so look forward to that day. I know he will make a wonderful father. I think we'll be good parents and we both have different things to contribute. Healthy, active, loving, real people. That is what I want us to be. I hope my kids never feel this disconnect or confusion when dealing with me. Or I hope we can "talk" about things like this and work them out. It's incredibly frustrating to say the least. But I still love my mother very much. Just talking a little time to think things through and doing a lot of talking about my feelings to Z. He has good suggestions. We'll see how things go.
As far as working out. We did a quick workout again today since everyone in WA forgets how to frickin drive when it rains!! WTF! It took us another hour in the CARPOOL lane folks to get to the gym. We have to move. And soon! I did a 15 min run at 6.0 for the first 6 min, then 6.2 for 4 more, then 6.4 for 2 and then 6.6 for the last 3. I felt good and strong. Nothing hurt and I was wearing a good sports bra so the twins were reined in tight LOL. I haven't run in a long time but it felt really good. I've been a step mill freak for the last couple of months but I think I'm going to start mixing running back into the mix depending on how my ankle feels. I forgot how I can work through my thoughts when I run and I can forget where I am and what is going on around me. I miss that. A lot. Must do that more. I then lifted for about another 30 minutes and it felt good! It wasn't my normal 2 hour workout but I got in what I could darn it and I'm happy for that. Z and I are having dinner with his best bud/ex roommate and his GF at Bahama Breeze. Can't wait for an ultimate pina colada and a warm shrimp salad. They are both to die for!!! We're just going to relax and enjoy the moment. I'm not going to worry about calling my mom tonight, but I will probably make another attempt tomorrow. I'll also go by her gifts and card for her b-day on Monday so that I can maybe give it to her on Sunday. We'll see. Maybe she doesn't want to see me...:(
I guess I'll play it by ear.
Carrie's going to be in Puyallup WA this weekend which is just a little south of me. Small world. It would be really cool to meet her but then again as busy as life is, I highly doubt we'll be able to meet. But you never know. I shot her an email to let her know to contact me if she is able to. Wouldn't that be cool? I've been reading her journal for years and have exchanged emails with her in the past and every so often. Hope she has a good visit.
TGIF!!!!



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