So I get up and weigh myself today and I'm 152.8. Back to exactly what I weighed the moment we got back from the backpacking trip to Spider Gap. Z reminded me how your legs retain water to help repair the muscles from the long hard climb, plus your body itself retains water once you start increasing your intake dramatically after a hike. I drank less than my 2 liters bladder of water a day while hiking, but I usually drink 128 to 192 oz of water daily without thinking about it. So I was probably pretty dehydrated after the backpacking trip and once I started drinking water my body started hording it right away. I�ve been hitting the bathroom every 20 minutes to prove it. Thanks baby for reminding me who things work. I guess I just forgot and fixated on the number. I still can�t believe I went from 152.8 on Saturday when we got back, to 155.0 on Monday and 157 by Monday night, but my body fat percentage read 17.1% last night. I�m sure that was a bit off, but that still is a decrease from the 24.4% that I originally had. I�m still number girl first when it comes to weight and then I look at the body fat % as an after thought, but it still totally irked me when I say 157. GAWD I haven�t seen that horrendous number since last fall!

Maybe that was the scare I needed to get my butt back into gear and get the last 10-15 lbs off. I woke up this morning with a different outlook. Z and I talked last night about my post and how I wasn't unhappy in my life if I'm complaining about weight. My weight will forever be an issue in my life. I wish it wasn't but it is. In another sense it's a blessing to have a constant reminder to not give up. To keep fighting for what I think I deserve - if I work hard enough for it anyways. This journal is for me to vent and bitch about things that bother me that I can't express to others because they can't solve the issues for me or it's a private matter that I don't want to talk about to other people. Z totally understood after I explained this and wondered if he should be reading it at all, but I want him to feel free. I don't hide anything from him mostly because I can't tee hee. I love him and want him to be apart of my life in every way, but there are still things that go on in my head that only make sense or make me take action once I vent them in cyber space. That is primarily why I have this journal.

Today has been on plan, but I was so busy that I didn't eat anything more than a tsp of peanut butter until 2:30pm! I got my workout in and packed snacks and dinner. I was in a mad rush to the grocery store to get stuff that I know if safe for me to eat and quick to prepare so that Z can make something healthy and fast at home when I'm gone. It's not like there wasn't things to eat, it's just that the calories were WAY TO HIGH for people who are trying to watch their intake and workout to loose weight is all. I even got regular jam and sugar free for me since it saves me 30 calories. So bring on the pbj!!!

I bought lots of fruit (cherries, Yakima cherries, green grapes, red grapes, and granny smith apples as well. I love fruit and it satisfies the sweet tooth thing for me as well. I bought tons of Boca burgers, 94% fat free Healthy pop kettle corn popcorn for snacks, so I think I'm set for a while.

For breakfast I love having a 1/2 cup of plain fat free yogurt with 1/2 cup of fiber one cereal, 3 packets of Splenda and a 1/2 cup of grapenuts for crunch. That gets like 16 grams of fiber first thing in the morning plus the calcium from the yogurt. It keeps me full for quite a while and it's only 4 points. I'm going to stick with online WW for a while, since I can't guarantee that going to meetings at this time would work into my schedule to tell you the truth. Plus I just remembered last night that I lost 25 lbs going to meetings and the other 25+ online. So all in all I guess if I just stay on plan online watching my points, my portion sizes and keep working out the weight will come off. I just want to keep this as simple as possible so that I don't continue to get frustrated in the long run.

One day at a time, right?

(Engaged 9/16/05)