Crumbling...

Yeah well I guess my resolve to not nag my future husband isn't working out so well. Zac and I proceeded to argue from the time I got in the door to just about the time I went to bed. We're both tired, there have been a lot of people in and out and lots of things going on. We haven't had any time to ourselves and that isn't going to change until after we go on our honeymoon. This is not what I had in mind. We've never argued like this. Both fuses are short and we're just not capable of dealing with stupid things right now, because that is just what they are, stupid insignificant things, but they are getting under our skin. It just kills me that we never are like this and we're doing this 4 days before our wedding. Niiicccee right? We're both going to work on it as we aren't going to get any major time together and there is just going to be more shit to deal with. I'm just going to try to wire my mouth shut and just deal. He is going to try to be more considerate of "details" around the house that start to overwhelm me when they all get out of whack. I'm very particular about my space and I thought I was doing alright but I guess for the last couple of weeks (peak times of people traffic and stuff going on and not a lot of sleep) I've been nagging a lot and he just can't put up with it any more as he is tired too and we're both under stress with the big event. So yeah we're both just trying to make it to the day at this point and we're going to try to spend time just the two of us Wednesday. We need it obviously.

This is totally not the way I thought I would feel a few days before my wedding. Just hanging in there. Trying to make it to the day. I feel unsure of my emotions. I'm happy, sad, anxious, frustrated, angry, tired, excited, but then ashamed that I can't just be a blushing bride. I know I'm a difficult person. I'm very particular about things, but at the same time I thought I usually try to be understanding of the fact that other people don't operate like that and that the things that tweak don't even register on Z's radar. Oh well. I'm trying to lighten the mood by listening to Bob Marley and I'm trying to stay busy. I'll get a afternoon workout in today and we're supposed to get a few friends together for dinner at Bahama Breeze which should be fun. Hopefully things will fall back into a nice happy tone. I'm sure it will be fine. Then I'll be working out with my GF from Guam who is staying with me and the guys if they want.

Just not feeling it right now, but still looking forward to the Big Day. Hopefully I don't scare Z off.

Yesterday evening when things started to get heated, Anna and I went to the gym and I did my butt exercises and ran on the treadmill until my butt started to hurt to burn off some of my frustrations. It felt good, but my butt hurt again :(. This afternoon I'll be doing the step mill first after I lift for my back and see if I can get some running in once I'm warm. Running makes me feel like I can incinerate what ever is bothering me and when I'm done and spent it's gone. It doesn't bother me anymore. I really need to run today, but we'll see because I need to be able to walk down the isle on Saturday if I don't some how fuck it up before then. Sorry folks I'm feeling kinda frustrated right now. Work isn't helping any let me tell ya! But alas I'm trying to use all my days for vacation. I'm sure I'll feel better after my afternoon workout. Promise.

Yesterday:
AF - 30 minutes lifting for chest
AF - 60 minutes step mill

PM - 50 minutes butt exercises
PM - 15 minutes sprinting

Today:
lbs? no weigh in but my 6's are getting more baggy and my small belt is now another knotch back. I'm happy but trying to remember that I need to fit my wedding dress! I'm even eating more!! Oh well. Just a few more days.

AF - 30 minutes lifting for back
AF - 30 minutes step mill
AF - 30 minutes running

(Engaged 9/16/05)