Day's Left until I become Mrs. Smith :)

I'm FTE baby. I got it. Last week was kind of a blur between the 11 hour interview process and then the funeral I attended for Z's grandmothers passing, his bro and his sister-in-law staying with us and then juggling looking at new houses for Z and figuring which place we're going to stay at and who else will be there. We thought we would have Saturday night together alone, but that didn't happen. These days it is very hard to get alone time, but then again it is hard to find down time. I think my life will forever be like this for now on, so I best get used to it. I'm still adjusting though.
Pretty soon I will be a memeber of the Pro Club. I've already decided I'm going to check into a personal trainer as soon as I can. Z said it will take a few weeks to get that all set up but I'm so ready. We'll be getting rid of our 24 hour fitness memberships which will save some money toward our new home and will be more logical. I can't wait to not have to worry about parking sucking much butt and worrying about people throwing their doors into my new car. Nicer cars will be parked in the garage of the Pro Club so I highly doubt they would want to mar their own car by being careless and throwing their door into my most likely less expensive Infiniti FX 35. I'll be careful though just in case ;).
I haven't really been able to write my points the last couple of days but have surprised myself with very good food choices, but I have been really hungry every 3-4 hours and can't really wait. I've been getting kranky and impantient if I do have to wait. Z has been very paitent. I've even been trying to measure out my food when possible. I've been trying to eat less then I think I really want to eat as well. I'm trying... Monday back to documenting points.
It will be interesting to see how my job changes in time. I can't wait to learn more about my new benefits other than the Pro Club, though I'm pretty darn happy with that alone:). I can work out, get my brazilian wax and maybe one day try to get a facial. It is a great place. It's the best gym I've ever been into. It has a bistro that has great salads and the spa is kick ass too. I can't wait to get a personal trainer but at the same time i'm kicking myself for allowing myself to gain 13-15 lbs over the last year. Yeah I've gone through a lot of changes over the last 6 months and I could have gained more but it still frustrating with summer coming up and I feel like a sausage in my clothes from last summer. I know I can get this off with the help of watching my diet (ww points) and a personal trainer to retrain me on techniques that will work for my body and most importantly with my VERY BUSY life style. I know that I can't make it to the gym everyday, twice a day but when I can I totally will. Maybe I can be a 3-4 day a week workouter. I've never understood how one can loose weight doing that but I'm open to suggestions. Maybe they can show me where I can cut corners be more intensive and make the most of out my workouts. I will try to workout during lunch when I can now that the gym is literally 5-8 minutes from the gym. The showers have hair dryers and everything! I can even take a quick shower and maybe do my hair. If not a pony tail it is. My hair is getting longer and longer each day so that shouldn't be a problem.
I'm still trying to get back to where I was but I'm working on it. It's progress, not perfection.
I'm working on feelings of doubt with myself and with the fact that things don't seem to slow down, but I never give up. It just sometimes makes me feel helpless and that maybe things will never change and some day I'll wake up 8 years down the line with a great job but some how I neglected my personal life and with things as hectic as they get on a day to day basis I some how pushed Z away and maybe his feelings dwindle but he is still with me for some reason. I don't know if this makes sense but I feel all of these felting thoughts and churn through them. Z reads me very well. Strangly well. I can't hide things from him whether I'm ready to deal with them or not it seems. Maybe that is for the best. Sometimes things can't be packaged into a pretty box and bow. I think that is what makes us strong. The fact that we can talk about the "difficult" things.
Just trying to remember to breathe day to day and not be too negative. Z totally helps remind me everyday. I try to do it on my own but sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts without realizing it. I seems like I'm in a bad mood but I'm just thinking... a lot. Z is starting to realize this. I'm not mad, I'm just thinking. Sometimes it worse than others, but it doesn't happen all of the time.
One day at a time. One day at a time.



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