Reflections on my journey thus far and the fact that I have only 1 month left before I marry the man I love.

I got another comment about my face being too thin, but on the other hand I got another comment from another co-worker who came up from behind me and ask WOW have you been hitting the gym or what? ;) My mom is constantly worried, but she has never seen me this thin. I think I was born at 175 LOL! I think I look fine other than the fact that I'm tired a lot and I've got lots to think about and things to do ;). I can't wait for the mixed comments this weekend. I have friends that have seen me at 198, 175, and 150 but none have seen me in the 130's. I hope it's good! I'll try to get some rest so I don't look so tired.
I'm also trying to lighten up a bit. Last night my sweetie held me tight and asked when he was going to get the "happy Nita" again :(. I said after the wedding. I felt really bad and it's been with me ever since. I'm going to start working on enjoying things more. This is a once in a lifetime event and I would like to remember good things about it and not just the stresses. Last night when Z and I were at the gym together doing our cardio I realized how much I love having him there with me. He smiled at me and mouthed the words "I love you" and it totally melted my heart. I love this man and he loves me so much it hurts. I need to remind myself of this every day. WE are the most important thing. I shouldn't let the other things bother me. I always have, but I can change that. I'm trying to keep this in the forefront of my mind. We got to workout together at lunch and I really enjoyed that too though we were rushed to get back to work. It's like we have a date ;p.
I also need to remember though Z tells me all the time that I do not need to do everything myself. I just go into auto pilot. In my previous life nothing got done if I didn't do it, so I just did it and ended up resenting myself and the person a lot because of it. But they were lazy and didn't deserve me anyways so there were definitely other reasons why I was angry and hurt all of the time. I have to remember all I need to do is ask. I truly am not alone. He is so good to me. He is going to work from home and do some things around the house to take some pressure off of me so that I can hang out with friends Friday night without it on my mind. I was thinking that I would stop off real quick and then rush home and clean and organize until the wee hours of the morning, sleep a bit, get up and go to the gym early and then clean some more before people showed up. I would be a total wreck for the party and would be irritable to boot. That is not how I want to be, so I'm working on my attitude now. I WILL ENJOY MYSELF! I feel like I've been such a sour puss and I don't mean too. I haven't even managed a smile in any of my dress pictures :(. I'm working o it. I want to look as happy as I feel about my sweetie and I shouldn't let anything get me down.

Only 1 more month baby!

Can't wait!

(Engaged 9/16/05)