Day 48:
135.8 - WOW! I got on the scale after my AM cardio and fell off! I weighed in at 135.6 to start, but fell off after making a noise which drew Z into the bathroom while I weighed in again at 135.8. I got on again as I always do to get the same number twice and it registered at 135.8 lbs!!! I wasn't expecting it but I'll take it.

AM - 90 minutes of elliptical w/arms level 14-16

Z and went out last night just the two of us. I had grilled yellow fin tuna with mixed green salad with oil and vinegar and 1/2 of my 6 oz glass of wine. I would have had more but it was too sweet. Z and I think I prefer the Syrahz and not the Syrah. The place took way to long so I nearly did dive into the bread basket! Naw just kidding, I knew they were empty calories but I WAS really hungry. I was lucky Z got me a grande americano w/no room before we got there and there was a glass of water next to me. We will not go there again though the cut of tuna was very good. The lady had no personality didn't apologize for us having to wait 4x as long as the people around us and it just kinda sucked! It wasn't even busy! That should of been the first sign huh? ;) Oh well rant done.

The closeer I got to my goal weight of 135 Z and I have been discussing the fact that though I'm VERY happy where I am at, I know that I'm going to have to go lower to see what I want to see. I'm also most likely going to have to do a bulking phase when I finally see the leanness I want to start building areas like my shoulders, back, and butt :). Right now I'm going to stick with the original plan with minor tweaks as needed and now shoot for 130 as a new short term goal. But only after the official weigh in is at 135. I'm a sticker for that ;). Reminiscent of WW days I guess.
Looking back I have truly enjoyed this process. Don't get me wrong. It's been totally hard and tiring, but it's been enriching. It has given me something to control and improve. Something no one else can do for me. It's a gift I give myself. My main inspiration has been women in their 30, 40, & 50's who have had children, who have jobs, have husbands and who are single parents that strive beyond their day to day mundane lives for their ultimate bodies. Day in day out. Are they tired? YES! are they busy? Hell YES! The point is we all get tired, we all feel we are really busy, but it all comes down to how much we REALLY want to change our lives. How much we want to feel good in our skin. Most of these people feel it is much more than just fitting into a pair of jeans. Yes you've heard it a million times. It's a way of life. It makes them feel like a better person. A better mom. A better business person. I feel the same way. It makes me feel more spiritually connected to me. I feel my body move, muscles shift, sweat drip down my back and face and I feel alive! I feel blessed to be able to move my body. There are several people who can't. It makes me feel confident that this lifestyle change can take me into my older years gracefully and with dignity. I will be able to carry myself with price and get the respect I deserve. People judge on appearances. There are no it�s and or but's about it! I plan on not only being pleasing to the eye, but strong. I want to exude strength and confidence when I walk. I think I deserve that. I live a clean healthy life. I treat other people with respect unless they disrespect me and I work hard for everything that I want. I have always been this way and hopefully I will continue to do so. I want to have a happy family life. I want my kids to feel good in their skin. I want to be able to run and jump and play with them. I want Z and I to have a happy healthy home. There will be ups and downs. There will be times of stress, but living a healthy lifestyle will ease some of the burdens of all of this. I don't want to put crap into my mouth for instant gratification every time I feel stressed or to celebrate or to whatever. I have this one life and I want to live it to the fullest. Lately crap foods don't have as much of an appeal. Course I've never been a big crap eater. I was just a plain BIG eater. I find I love my eating plan. It works for me. I know that in the future if I find myself eating more processed foods and gaining weight or feeling sluggish I can go back to protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats and things will improve. I feel calm. I feel proud. I feel like I'm noting running for a finish line for the first time in my life. This is much more than my wedding day though I will totally reap the benefits of all this on that day. I feel in control. These are the things I think about when the going gets rough. This is all worth it!

Enough rambling. It's time to go to the store to get more food to prep for the week!

I feel wonderful today, though I am tired :). Sleeping in did wonders.

(Engaged 9/16/05)