Ran another 5 miles this morning and my ankles is still yelling at me... The first 10 minutes were kind of hard. My thighs were still waking up and they were still sore from the 8 mile run on Sunday and then additional 4.5 mile run on Monday. I WILL RUN EVERYDAY BEFORE I GO TO GUAM on the 2nd. I've got to. My weight has remained the same, but my thighs were starting to feel a little less firm, I'm sure it was my imagination, but running really helps lean out my legs... I also lifted weights for about 15 minutes last night and walked on my treadmill at home for 2 hours while I watched TV. There is nothing like the motivation of watching America's 100 most beautiful celebrity women!!! LOL! They had Demi Moore, Janet Jackson, Jennifer Garner, etc. They are all so pretty AND you know they have to work really, really hard to look that way... I wonder what Janet Jackson has been up to lately... She's been out of the limelight for a while. I totally admire Jennifer Garner, she is naturally pretty and has a lean athletic body, but still seems sweet and sexy. That is something that I strive for...

My ex (though we are still dating I guess, but also dating other people...I don't know what you call that) ran into an old college buddy of mine. I used to live with him and his fianc�. They had dated since high school and finally got married right after graduating from WWU, but they recently got divorced. I guess she cheated and wouldn't admit to it. I know that is what L thinks too, but I didn't... It's just the fact that I started to see men in general in another light that I had never seen them before. I finally had to admit to myself that I was interested in meeting new men and ready to have them meet me - if they were worthy heh. I had never felt like that before and it scared me. I'd flirted verbally with some close guys friends, because it was safe for both of us - i.e. they were involved or had kids. We knew nothing would come of it, so we felt "safe". But then I started questioning "me". Who was I? What did I want? Why was I still in the same relationship after 8 years (it would have been 9 years in May of 2004) if I can't marry the person? And I decided I needed to get to know ME again... I had gotten so used to the routine of taking care of the house, L, and the puppy that many times I forgot about me. I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just saying that I'm taking that time for me now and I'm starting to like it. Oh yeah don't get me wrong, I still get sad and lonely, but the pain is ebbing some and I can email L and have good conversations now without getting all weepy. I'll be seeing him in the next couple of weeks so we'll see how I feel then...hmmm.

I can't wait to go to Guam - all by my lonesome!!! Even if my layovers in Japan are going to be like 6 to 8 hours!!! I'll get some reading caught up though... Only 7 days left!

Woot!

(Engaged 9/16/05)