I'm on the brink of changing the direction of my life and it terrifies me... But I know this major decision needs to be made - though I really don't want to. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't. I've come to realize this over the last couple of months on and off Prozac... I can't be the person that someone else wants me to be... My decision will greatly affect the other person which breaks my heart because I care for them so. I can not give them what they want from life, though I wish I could with all my heart, but that would require me to compromise what I my self want so dearly from life. My weight was such a hindrance, not even I knew until I lost some and started excepting myself... Isn't it weird that loosing weight can affect some much more than just the way you look? I would have never guessed...

I'm afraid the person will hate me after I make this decision, but I know in the long run, I'm doing us both a favor...If I don't, one day we will wake up wondering what happen to all the wasted time... It makes me really sad, but also hopeful. A new path. A new life. I just need to make it through the storm... Then the sun will come out and everything will be clean and fresh.

I haven't been eating very well, but I'm still working out every morning... My 8's are getting loose... My appetite has left me. I just need to do this and get it over with...The hardest part was trying to figure out what to do...

(Engaged 9/16/05)