Well, I've made it to the gym every morning at 4am thus far and I've been eating really well. Things have just been consistent. I'm feeling really comfortable with my self and my body. I find something new everyday to enjoy about my body. I used to hate my body. I hated everything about it - other than my strength, now I like how it feels and it moves. It's actually very surreal. I no longer have to wait for the day something magical will happen and I will no longer be trapped in this body. I've worked on this for 3 1/2 years straight (actually all my life but most of the major changes have happened over the last couple of years). I had my ups and downs and I didn't loose weight as fast as other people, but I stuck with it. I switched from fighting my way to meetings after being on a plateau for 7 months after loosing 25lbs to doing the online after about 2 1/2 years on program and that is when I lost an additional 25 lbs. I have been doing really well mostly because this is now my lifestyle. I no longer feel deprived. GAWD I thought that feeling would never go away... Now I have accepted that I can not eat like other people and be what I've finally become today. Being/feeling/existing the way I am now means much more to me than French fries or pizza any day. And if I really want those things I know that I can work it into my schedule, but as of late, those over powering urges to eat have not reared their ugly head... Hopefully they won't any time soon, but if they do, I will try to remain steady eddy and do what I got to do.

I am now a perfect size 8. I have never been able to purchase anything without trying it on first - besides shoes. I have purchased 5 new pairs of work pants in size 8 and they actually have room in the legs, stomach and butt. But they fit really well. I am now wearing tank tops to show off my sculpted arms, flat tummy, and toned back. Sometime I feel like I'm admiring someone else�s body. I never thought I would achieve this, though I new trying to eat healthy and workout was a better lifestyle than eating everything in sight and being depressed about it later... My short term goal is to loose another 9 lbs and see how I feel. If at that point I feel I can easily maintain the weight loss and I don't feel I look gaunt and drawn I may shoot for another 5 lbs... But I'm going to feel it out. I'm just trying to enjoy everyday of my life right now... Oh and my boyfriend loves the change too - even though he never complained a day in his life about my weight gain, he's always made me feel beautiful even when I really didn't believe it myself. He's been a wonderful support.

I hope that everyone will reach this point in the lives where they can accept themselves and think positively about their body even though there is always room for improvement.

(Engaged 9/16/05)