Last night I found this blog called Everyday Stranger . She is an amazing writer. She seems to write straight from the heart. As I was perusing, I found an entry that matched so close to how I feel/felt about ending my previous 8 year long relationship that I had to share, because she put it so eloquently. It seems like the letter she wrote (but never sent) could possibly bring me just a bit more closure to a very hard time in my life that I'm glad happened but at the same time am happy that it's over. L if you�re out there, this is for you...

"Dear X Partner Unit,

I am so sorry. I did love you, and always will. I will never regret you.

I want to thank you for being there for me."

"I want you to have a long and beautiful life. I want you to find someone that puts stars in your eyes and laughter in your soul. I want you to meet and date and fall in love, that dizzying spectacle of hope and fizz that falling in love is. I want you to get married and have beautiful children, lavishing them with the paternal love that I know you overflow with. I want you to grow old on the veranda, holding the hand of the person who came into your life and saved you, the one you will love above all loves, leathery hands clasped tight to each other.

It's like that song we both love-Green Day's "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"-

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

If you ever need a friend to talk to, I am just a phone call away.

Have a good life, baby. I will try to have one, too.

Love,

Me"

I will probably never be able to utter those words to him because we do not talk any more. Some how it seems important for him to know this. Silly I guess... Then again it is 8 years of my life that we're talking about here, so maybe I have every right to feel that way. Maybe one day we'll be on speaking terms, but by then I feel that the moment would have passed. I hope that he knows I never meant him any harm and that I loved him very much, but at the same time I knew that it was not "right". I have no regrets.

I am extremely happy with Z in my life and know that without any doubts THIS is was "right" feels like. He is truly my partner and sets out to make my life easier and so very enjoyable at the same time. I have never been so happy and carefree. I hope I'm doing a good job of reciprocating the gesture.

(Engaged 9/16/05)