Sarah said a mouth full when she said "Building burn, People die, but real love is forever..."

I truly feel that if I were to die tomorrow I would feel that I lived a good life, I worked hard, did the best that I could do, and that I would die happy, because I finally found true love. Zac has changed my outlook on life. I read previous entries in this journal and see this fact verbalized right before my eyes.

It's strange when I think about it. My spirit feels lighter. My shoulders are not as tense. I smile a lot more. Z saw a picture of me as a little girl and said how it looks just like me because I have a HUGE smile on my face. There was another picture of me during my teens that didn't look like me, because I have this little insecure smile on my face. It's actually a VERY fake smile on my face. I look scared to me. I just realized how many years I was unhappy. I hated taking pictures and hating smiling period! Now I smile all of the time. I feel that it represents how happy I am now in my life and I want people to see it. Be drawn to it. To want it for themselves. In the first weeks that Zac and I were dating exclusively my face hurt, because I smiled so much heh. Now it comes very naturally. I love that!

I'm still the same person, but it's like I'm looking through rose colored lenses, ya know? I still get stressed. Get uptight. Have lingering things that need to be delt with in my life that I have been procrastinating on, but I'm still very, very happy. Weird huh? *smirk* Last night I was tweaking a bit while trying to rush around to get ready and out the door to go to dinner at my parents house with Z and then I wanted everything to be perfect during dinner, because that is what I do *giggle* but Z stopped me, kissed and hugged me and told me everything was good and to not worry. I actually felt my body ease a bit. Not completely, but enough to ease me nerves for the evening. By later on that evening I all but completely forgot about my nagging issues.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Z's bro M is coming down today sometime, so it should be a busy, fun, late nights, and lots of drinking tee hee. I'm sure we'll get some exercise in there as well. Not to worried about it though. Starting next week I Will get my lazy but up to work out in the morning when Z gets up, because I really don't have any excuse now that I don't have to be into work until 3pm. I'll miss getting off at the same time Z gets off, but I'm sure I'll adapt just fine. Today is another beautiful day. Can't wait to get off and enjoy it.

Have a good one :).

(Engaged 9/16/05)