So you've heard of the almost gastric bypass right? Well I'm contemplating doing the "almost figure competition".

Now I'm not a big fan of manyly looking women with muscles, but that is just my personal opinion. I personally don't want to look like that. Most I don't want to work hard to do that. I give those women lots of props! They work darn hard!

I want to have the toned, muscled, look while still looking curvy. I have a naturally muscular frame, so why not use my assets? I'm never going to be a small framed girl that is delicate. Nor do I want to be "delicate". I like to feel strong and confident. I like to look strong and confident as well. Being leaner and being more consistent with my weight lifting will help me feel/look that way, so I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Why not training hard for 7 weeks. 7 weeks straight just like I was training for a figure competition? In 7 weeks I want to see the muscle gain and the fat loss. I should "rock the casba" when I'm done!! Then after the 7 weeks, I can see if I can do another 7 weeks which will take me to our wedding day. OR I can try to actually sign up for a ameture competition to give it my best shoot to see where the chips fall. Either way I NEED something to shoot for. I need a goal. Anger is no longer my fuel/motivation. Positive energy is really not my suit, so I need to find something to strive for. I yearn to continuously improve my body the older I get. I hope to continue to do this before my pregnancies (not for a few years) AND after. I already look hotter than I ever did in my 20's. I weigh 20-45 lbs lighter than I did, but I want to look BETTER. Always strive for more. What do I have to lose?

I can incorporate this time into Nita Time. I've mentioned it before that I don't really ever get time for girlie stuff. I don't have any girl friends that I get along with that I can workout with or go shopping with -until I met Jessi, but she's still on vacation for a while :( so I'll have to wait until she get's back to see how things go there. We got off to a great start, but we still need time to get to know each other and stuff. Oh and we're both really busy :(. I'm sure if things are meant to be, we will find a way to spend time. HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A SMASHING TIME JESSI! Can't wait till you get back!

I've been pouring over the net to find any interviews with ameture figure competitors to see how they got started, what they did diet-wise and training wise and any other tid bits they offer.

I'm totally excited ans scared at the same time. I KNOW I can do anything I set my mind too, but will the monotony kill me? I guess I'll just have to work on not letting it, right? Keep things new and lively. Add difference spices. Have a cheat meal once a week. Vary my exercises, weight, speed, etc.

I'm compiling a list of foods to get at the grocery store. I'm also going to pick up a few supplements to my normal chewable calcium and multi-vitamin that I take very days. I have been taking my Farhenheit or Trimspa (I'm trying to finish the bottle) off and on. I like to take the first before my workout on an empty stomach. I take the later during the day with my meals to curb my appetite and keep my metabolish on high. I get all sweaty and stuff just moving around haa haa.

I've been taking "fat burners" or "appetite suppressants" since I was 12 or so. I've had several baselines and blood tests done to make sure I'm ok and I'm fine. I get them done every two years or so, since I have no idea what my fathers health history is. I just know that obesity affect a lot of the women on that side of the family. I don't know my father and have had nothing to do with him since I was 2, so I can't ask him either. Nor do I want to. That is a whole other story...

All in all I'm looking at doing 45-60 minutes of cardio in the AM, 45-60 minutes of weight lifting in the afternoon, and 45-60 minutes of cardio in the PM. Crazy huh? I know I can do it, but it is going to be WAY hard. That plus eating clean with the occasionaly cheat day to keep me sane will be difficult, but then try adding 7-8 hours of sleep a night! Holy Cow. I usually only get 5-7 fitful nights of sleep. Sometimes I do finally pass out, but I'm sure the workouts will totally kick my butt and put me to sleep at night like a bady:).

5 days like this and then the 6th day will be cardio and the 7th day will be a well earned day of rest!

I'm still putting the details all together and plan on starting Monday since that is when the majority of training days start. Until then I'm trying to fit in a few cheat days that I normally don't let myself have as a "last meal" so to speak. NOthing crazy, just feeding a craving or two. Maybe I'll even fit in a junior size chocolate chip cookie dough breeze! I haven't had one of those for like 2 years!! I'm not a HUGE dessert fan. This girl likes to eat food in large quantities, not necessarily dessert. I'd be much bigger if I did!

I've made my podiatrist appointment on Monday at 3. My ankles have been singing to me all day :(. My heels aren't as acutely sore, but they are still sore. I was almost lulled into thinking I could do a 3 mile run today, but I listened to my body and didn't.

I also just realized its time for my depo shot again this month. I totally forgot until I noticed a bit of spottiness the last two days. I don't get TOM when I'm on depo until it is time to get my next one. That explains passing out in the car on the way home yesterday and being so dang bloated, heavy feeling, fat, and hungry. Oh and crampy and TIRED. Course I'm always tired ;).

I've been off of Accutane for 6days now. My last pills were on 12/31/05. My skin still looks great. Lips and delicate skin on the face around the mouth and eyes are still dry, but lip stuff and lotion are still my best friends.

(Engaged 9/16/05)